Former Secret Service Elite gives advice — Own the Room
I had the opportunity to meet Evy Poumpouras at #AWNewYork23, where Evy spoke at the #EqualityLounge. Evy is a former U.S. Secret Service Special Agent, TV personality, TV host, and multi-media journalist. She was secret service to Obama, and many other presidents of the United States over the years. Out of thousands of Secret Service agents, she was chosen to be an interrogator to probably the worst criminals in the world, including the September 11 offenders. Evy’s nick name in the force was the Greek spider — because she’s so calm and beautiful on the outside, you don’t realize how she can get you to tell her anything.
When asked to speak at the Female Quotient (FQ) Lounge, Shelley (the founder of FQ) asked Evy about what she could share with the audience that would allow (the mainly female audience) to become better players in the “dog-eat-dog” world of business, how to become better versions of themselves all while being true to who you are, not what the world wants you to be. That is a tough brief. Evy accepted the challenge and here we share the key insights of her session.
During her session at the FQ lounge, Evy shared her so called six pack power play for you. Evy is all about action and helping you do things to get you ahead to help make you not just a better individual, but better in the way you move in the world.
The focus of Evy’s “six-pack power play” is on your ethos as a human being. Ethos is a Greek word (Evy happen to be Greek) and it means your way of being who you are, your general, genuine character. Evy says “when you are dealing with people and I don’t care what business you are in, at the end of the day, you understand the business of people and you can master people, you can master anything. So, let’s break out the six principles”.
Master the power of shutting up!
1. Strong Active Listening: Evy emphasizes that being a strong listener is key to power. Being a good listener gives you more power in a conversation. It allows you to understand the other person’s strengths, weaknesses, motives, etc. Evy says “we all know people who talk a lot and when they eventually become quiet and listen, they are only preparing their own response”. Evy thinks about it this concept as “verbal economics” — the idea that your words are like money, and you should use them sparingly and purposefully.
2. Trust: Evy says trust is essential for any relationship, either personal or business. You build trust through being an active listener. Most people want to be heard, so give them that platform. Trust is also related to a hormone called oxytocin, which goes up when trust is built, making people more amenable to doing business or having a relationship with you. When people feel that you are a trustworthy person, they want to be around you, spend time with you and interact with you. This should not be confused with manipulation — this is you utilizing your power to achieve your desires. That is very different from building genuine trust with people.
3. Body Language: Part of the expertise in negotiations, is to be able to read someone’s body language. 55% of communication is non-verbal, says the speaker. They stress the importance of being purposeful in the way you present yourself. Take up space, show strength, and ensure you have open, welcoming body language.
How you enter a room is key to demonstrate who you are — you should think of having shoulders back, chin up, take up space, do not make yourself small or invisible. Strength is shown with your body language, not told by you.
It is important to not tell people that you are the boss, the leader — the minute you do that, you lose all credibility. You demonstrate your strengths with your body language. For example, when you meet someone that you would like to build a relationship with (business or personal), think about how to use open and welcoming body language. “Take your hands out of your pockets”, Evy says — if you have your hands covered, it indicates to the other person that you are hiding something.
4. Para-linguistics: This is about how you sound when you speak — your tone, voice, pitch, etc.pauses, silence, rhythm, speed etc. The speaker mentions a study that showed politicians with deeper voices are more likely to be elected. 38% of what people retain from your conversations, is your voice — so own it!
Much of our current (normal) voice captures all the cultural influence we have had. For example, girls are often told to speak softly and lightly and not be loud. When you want to make a mark, you need to speak with a strong voice. “Tone is important, and you should always end your sentence on a ‘down note”, says Evy.
Speech — 7% retained by listeners
5. Eye Contact: On average, people make eye contact 66% of the time in conversations. The speaker advises allowing People break eye contact for all sorts of reasons. You should allow people to break eye contact if they need to, as it can be part of their thinking process.
Be water — it can’t get hurt, water flows around everything, you can adapt to everything. You can accept what another people says and not agree with it. You flow around them. If you are rigid you are locked into your agenda and you cannot see past yourself.
6. Qualities of Successful Leaders: Research indicates that the most effective leaders are warm and competent. Competence involves being reliable, consistence, trustworthy, and knowledgeable in your field.
Warmth — means you are approachable. You don’t have to be manage a team to be a leader. People want to be around you, that’s a leader.
It does not mean I am nice, overly kind, overly sweet. I am respectful, professional, present, compassionate, empathy. Women often confuse these words. Warmth and competence are the words you need to master.
Take this with you in everything you do. The reason I was good at my job is because I was trained by the best. If you treat people like garbage, you will only get garbage.
It is a lot better to be a leader than a boss. The overall emphasis is on being genuine and authentic in your interactions, rather than using tricks or techniques to manipulate people.
As women, we need to think about the above guidelines when we interact with our surroundings. You can be warm, approachable and caring without being too nice, conformative and mainstream. Get out there and own the room.
